Seeing as there hasn't been much footie on recently (ahem ...ok there was the Barca-Inter Milan diversion...) here's a little Superhero whimsy to pass the time between kicks.
Legendary USSR goalkeeper Lev Yashin may have been dubbed the Black Spider for his preternatural ability to fly and spin through the air but this guy is taking the arachnid metaphor to its nutty nadir:
He must have had too much Mary-Jane in the prematch build up:
The image above was taken ten years ago, a few days after I had arrived in London for my O.E.
After a duty free fuelled BBQ with some other Kiwis (that's what Kiwis do when they travel overseas- hang out with other Kiwis and pretend to be in New Zealand) we decided to play Hacky Sack.
My mates lived in Whitechapel, near the Whitechapel Street Market. When the market is not on the steel frames that sellers convert into stalls still haunt the streets. Being slightly tipsy and wholly enthusiastic I chased a loose hacky sack back out of the friendly circle and ran smack bang into a face level steel beam, chipping both my front teeth.
Once the shock, and vodka, wore off I quite fancied my new 'hard man' look. I spied the pub The Grave Maurice just up the road. This pub, made famous as being a fave hang out for the Kray brothers, and featured on the cover of the Morrisey single Sunny, was a pwopah heavy backdrop for my new rough and ready visage.
A few weeks later a very cheap NHS dental job capped off my teeth - and capped of this saga....until earlier this year when the combined wear and tear of ten years of football, coffee, wine, hard lollies & harder living finally did it for the el cheapo fix up. And now I am back where I was ten years ago, with two chipped teeth.
So yes, in the new year I'll make an appointment to the dentist, and I bet it won't cost 30 quid this time. So donations to my dental fund greatly appreciated in lieu of pressies!
But what I really want for Christmas is another stellar year for NZ football.
A year where politicking and in-fighting takes a back seat to innocent passion and joy.
A year where the fair weather football fans, turned on by the All Whites appearance in SA, are embraced by the mad-for-it evergreens during water cooler conversations, their ignorance of the offside law met with gentle counsel rather than scorn and ridicule.
A year where win, lose or draw at the World Cup NZ football continues to gain credibility both on and off the field, sharing column inches with Rugby, Netball and League with good grace and humility, an entente cordiale which marks the genesis of a new golden age for NZ sport.
While I believe that this is possible, I also believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause!
Anyway thats me for the year- I have really enjoyed writing this blog, enjoyed the freedom of banging out a few words about whatever has moved me in the football world, and finding nice pictures to match my rantings. But equally I am going to enjoy a holiday away from the computer, away from the TV and the football highlights, with only one ear tuned to the radio to follow the Nix and the occasional match report in the Dom Post to get my fix.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year dear reader(s). Here is a vid about the famous 'Christmas Truce' football match between British and German troops in WWI*, to fill you with glad tidings of comfort and hope.
The 32 (ahem) best football teams in teh wohle world now know who they may come up against at South Africa 2010. Herr Sepp, the great curator, has seeded the top 8 World Cup qualifiers into 'pot' one and allocated the rest into the 3 other pots.
The gardening metaphor of pots and seed is worth exploring. Pot one is for Sepp's treasured fruit trees- the 8 teams which will bear the coveted summer fruit of South Africa 2010; flowering, blossoming and bringing the honey bees of world media attention to the garden: Pot one (Current Fifa rankings in brackets) South Africa (85), Brazil (1), Spain (2) The Netherlands (3), Italy (4), Germany (5),Argentina (6), England (7)
The remaining pots are comprised of the deciduous bric a bracken, the garden's hedging and borders; unlikely to win awards but neccessary to make the flowers and fruit stand out and be noticed.
Some, like Nigeria and Cameroun, are the exotic detailing- tolerated for the colour they bring, but hardly sustenance worthy of being included in the garden's autumnal harvest. Others like New Zealand, Honduras and North Korea are the cute little bonsai- cultivated to a point and then clipped, pruned and set aside as curiosity pieces. Hopefully dusted off and shown a little care and compassion once the great garden show is over. When the pots were announced the biggest intake of collective breath was reserved for the decision to drop France down to the unseeded pots- not as a karmic kick in the nuts for the Henry affair, but as just rewards for their recent poor form, proving that a Grenouille's green thumb does not guarantee perpetual verdancy in Sepp's magic garden.
Following FIFA's own procedures I made my own mock draw, using an online Excel tutorial to randomly order the 32 teams. As time-unworthy as this excerise was, much like pissing on a lemon tree in a howling southerly, it was a bit of fun. I can tell you that according to my draw New Zealand would be grouped with the Netherlands, France and Chile. Extending my gardening metaphor a little I can also say that if that was the scenario NZ would be mere fertiliser for the Oranjeboom,the Chile plant and the Fleur de Lys.
(For my friends over the ditch, according to my most unscientific draw, Australia ended up with Algeria, Serbia and England. How do you like them Apples?)
*The phrase gone to pot is actually not associated with gardening nor recreational drugs. It is in fact from the industrial revolution when defunct parts were tossed back into the smelting pot to start their time again. Oh cruel fate which tossed Ireland, Bahrain, Bosnia, Egypt et al unceremoniously back into that bubbling pot.
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