Breaking News!

New Zealand are the only undefeated team at South Africa 2010!

Oh, and in other news Spain win World Cup. Meh.

More cockeyed blather to follow later...

The Tragics' Final

Germany won the Third Place Play off, beating Uruguay 3-2. Although people say that it is the game that nonone wants to play, there seemed to be no shortage of motivation from both teams. The last three installments of this so called meaningless game have produced highly entertaining matches.

It was end to end stuff, and if this had been the actual World Cup Final then it would be remembered as a classic; a lead which see-sawed back and forth, Forlan's awesome downward volley and his free kick which was the last act of the game, hitting the post to deny Uruguay extra time.

It was shame in some ways that Miroslav Klose was injured and couldn't add to his talley, although not many people wanted him to surpass Ronaldo as all time leading World Cup goal scorer. It was also fitting that Suarez, who was booed by the African fans everyime he touched the ball, failed to score- his World Cup will be shoruded in infamy. His role as provider summed up by the dive at the death which set Forlan up for his last gasp free kick. (OK, to be fair it did look like a foul, but Suarez milked it for all it was worth.)

Well done Germany, with such a young squad surely the future looks bright for Deutschland, and a begrudging respect to Uruguay who were the best of the South Amercians by a long shot, resilient and tenacious until the end.

Raging Bulls & Octopuses

The 2010 World Cup Final will be competed by Spain and Netherlands; two countries which have never lofted that glittering prize, so a new name will be added to the illustrious list of World Champions.

For all their calm and patient build up against Germany in the semi-final, it was the raging bull Carlos Puyol, with a route one Iberian Express header into the back of the net from a corner which finally sealed it.

It's a shame that Germany won't be contending the final against the Netherlands, given the history those two countries have both on the field and off. But Spain vs. Netherlands is in many ways a neutral's dream. Two exciting, attacking, teams who like to push the ball around.

There is an adage, much used in Rugby League, that you must lose a final to win a final. Meaning that you must go to the pinnacle and experience the pain of defeat to understand what it takes to win it. The phrase does not hold much water for the Football World Cup; England, France and Argentina all won it at the first time of asking. But I still think does hold some truth and that the languid Spanish will be beaten by the Dutch, who can draw on the collective memory of the lost opportunities in 1974 and 1978 to spur them on.

The Spanish game may be technically adept but how often do the intricate movements come to naught? How hard do they work for such little reward in front of goal? Think of their young striker Pedro, through one on one against Germany in the semi-final, with Torres unmarked to his left. Poor Pedro could not even fashion a shot on goal- compare this to the free scoring and more direct Dutch who have managed to score all manner of fluky, freaky goals. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter how many passes you string together if you cannot bulge the old onion bag.

So yes, I think the Dutch will take the Cup. Although picking this one is a fool's game really. But since my own club, Wellington United, is allied to the Dutch settlers of Wellington I'll be an Orange man for the day. I am going against the Oracle however, since the famous Cephalod commentator Paul the Octopus fancies salsa over mayonnaise with his French Fries. At least a parakeet called Mani agrees with me. This truly has been a bizarre World Cup.

Uruguay 2- Netherlands 3

Netherlands edged out Uruguay 3-2 although the score does not reflect the Dutch dominance. Arjen Robben could have had a hat trick and put the game to bed long before Maximiliano Pereira almost broke Dutch hearts with a late, late goal. The referee didn't seem to want the game to end, blowing up some late fouls for both teams which allowed Uruguay to pump some long balls into the box and almost steal it. They showed tremendous fight, like a shark on the line they twisted and turned as the dreaeded daylight loomed. Still I am well pleased that Suarez will now miss out on a World Cup Final appearance, just deserts for his cheating ways.

Netherlands are playing fantastically well and deserve to be in their first final since 1978. Whoever they play, Spain or Germany, it will be a cracker.

Uruguay vs Netherlands -take one

6.30am with my 2 year old son, trying to tell him that we will not be watching Playhouse Disney cos daddy has a very important Soccer game to watch.

As Diego Forlan lines up in the tunnel Miro says: "That's Captain Feathersword"

Whatever it takes to get you through this Miro, whatever it takes.

At half time its 1-1 after two of the best long range goals of the tournament so far.

More to follow. C'mon Oranje!

Winning Ugly

In direct violation of the unwritten laws of watching football, I thought I'd get away with not hearing the results for the Quarter finals and would be able to watch them at my leisure as if they were live.

My family had upped sticks and headed to Glenburn, a remote Wairarapa Homestead to celebrate a significant birthday on Quarterfinal weekend- how inconvenient that someone was born in the months of June & July! September through to November should be sacrosanct for nookie, lest a nine month return impinge upon the Mondial! But I jest, it was a lovely break from reality being out where no Sky TV could reach me - a rural holiday from the World Cup and all its attendant media. I had it all planned out to catch up on the games though with the help of my family, who have recordable TV. Upon returning to civilisation I eschewed all news reports, and I was all geared and ready to watch all four Quarter finals in ignorance of the outcomes. But I was foiled in the most unlikely of ways- dropping my son at Daycare I overheard one of the teachers tell a German daddy, an 'oompah papa' if you will, that she thought Germany would win the World Cup. Alas I now knew the result of the one game I cared the most about and thought I was the most unsure of the result.

It made a mockery of my efforts to remove myself from the World Cup. When the World Cup is on everyone is a commentator and you cannot escape the punditry. Better to be a social leper or fashion a hairshirt with bristles which spell out: "Telleth me not the score!" than to try and blithely escape the blanket of Football.

As it turned out the Germany- Argentina clash was the most one sided out of all the Quarter finals, and all four games held surprises and upsets. 8 hours of high drama awaited me.

So a quick recap:

The Netherlands finally clicked and bet Brazil 2-1. I said it in a previous post For all their skill and shuffle the Brazilians were profligate. It wasn't a classic match but had enough in it to be exciting.

More exciting was Argentina losing 4-0 to Germany. Who could have predicted that? A rematch of 1986 and 1990, but this time the Deutschland Steam Roller steampunked the Albiceleste back to Sud America. Miroslav Klose scored with two sitters to move within one goal of being the equal highest World Cup goalscorer of all time (Equal with Ronaldo-Brazil). Germany have now belted 8 goals in their last two games; if the World Cup is about momentum and self belief then someone better start etching their name on the trophy now.

Less emphatic but equally as thrilling, in the second half at least, was Paraguay being dumped out by Spain. Three unconverted penalties within three minutes to keep the scores level before David Villa hit the ball off the post with 7 minutes to go. Even then Roque Santa Cruz could have snatched it at the very end but shot straight at Casillas. Spain looked unconvincing despite their metronomic precision with the pass.

But the most drama was reserved for the game which I originally cared the least about-Uruguay vs. Ghana. I knew I wanted Ghana to win to keep African hopes alive, but apart from that I didn't expect much from this game and the first 30 minutes were unspectacular- One way traffic from Uruguay as Ghana failed to settle. But then with 15 seconds to go before half time Sulley Muntari picked the ball up 30 yards out form the Uruguay goal and sort of meandered his way infield before unleashing a stinging daisy cutter which swerved away from the lunging keeper's hands and into the goal. It was a sensational goal, and a great time to score since Ghana had no riposte.

Diego Forlan equalised with a free kick after the break and so to extra time at 1-1.
With the clock ticking down and the tie heading towards penalties Ghana got a corner kick. From the scramble they almost scored but Suarez kicked the ball off the line, the rebound fell again to Ghana and a header went goalward again, straight to Suarez. Instinctively, if your instincts are to cheat, Suarez pushed the ball back off the line with both hands into the arms of his keeper. Chaos! The referee sends him off and Gyan lines up the penalty knowing that if he scores Ghana are through into the World Cup Semifinal. He misses. Ghana lose the penalty shoot out (Gyan scored in that though) and Suarez is a hero, although he is now banned from the semifinal against Netherlands tomorrow.

Suarez called his act the new 'hand of god' in reference to Maradona. It was no such thing, lacking all the subtlety of Maradona's cheekiness.

For me Suarez is the villain of the cup. He had already cheated one African team, his swan dive against South Africa got their keeper sent off and earned Uruguay cheap penalty. But what really gets me is the arbitrariness of decision making at this level. When I first saw the incident I thought the ball had crossed over the line, since Suarez was inside the goal. It didn’t, but when you think that a referee and linesman conspired to disallow a perfectly legitimate goal with their myopia (Eng V Ger) how come they cannot develop selective myopia here? Would anyone have complained if the ref had blown a goal under the pretence that he saw the ball cross the line? It shows that refereeing is far too conservative- preservation of the goal line is the priority, lest that holy boundary be desecrated and a non-goal awarded. However a shift of mindset needs to be undertaken, like with offside calls, the benefit of doubt should go with the attacking team.

However Ghana were their own worst enemies really, they were given the chance to take instant revenge and they failed- had they scored then Suarez would be a villain twice over.

You can't really blame him- cheating and gamesmanship are so ingrained in football culture, the desire to win at all costs has been driven into players from such a young age. It shows how far, or perhaps how little, the game has come since Diego's handball in 1986.

So despite the ethics of it Suarez is a hero and Ghana are out- For me it forces my hand as a neutral. I now want Netherlands to beat Uruguay, and although I'd love to see Spain snap out of their siesta I think the Germans are locked into a winning pattern.

It was a great round of games- three beautiful wins and one ugly one, courtesy of Luis "Ugly Betty" Suarez.

Sepp Blatter in Commonsense shock!

The end of days must surely be nigh!

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has apologised for refereeing mistakes that have blighted the World Cup and says football's governing body will look again at introducing goal-line video technology.

England and Mexico were the victims of blatant mistakes in second-round matches that both eventually lost.

Mr Blatter, who has opposed the technology for years, said on Tuesday technology such as the Hawk-Eye system used in tennis and cricket should be re-examined to determine if the ball had crossed the line or not for a goal.

“It is obvious that after the experiences so far at this World Cup it would be a nonsense not to re-open the file on goalline technology.” the FIFA president said at a press conference today.

However he again ruled out using video replays to help officials with decisions, such as offsides.

In Sunday's match between England and Germany, a shot from England midfielder Frank Lampard struck the bar and bounced down well over the line. The goal was not given and Germany went on to win the second round match 4-1.

Later in the day, Argentina scored from an offside position against Mexico in a match they won 3-1.

Business Time

The All Whites have mostly returned to their heroes' homecomings. Only one of 6 undefeated teams to be eliminated in World Cup history. What a record. Undefeated but unneeded at the business end of the cup.

Watching the round of 16 you can see the energy and purpose that is needed to compete at this level, something that France, Italy, New Zealand, and even England, amongst others lacked. The games are played at a raw pace now, each team 90 minutes from oblivion and scorn, or one goal from glory. It is now a totally different tournament all together, a totally different level, the air as rarified and thin as the high veldt itself.

The winner will be the team that wants it most and has the energy to match the desire, lungs burning as the clock ticks on.

Sentimentally I want Ghana to do well- African soil should equate to African success- if only the 'simplest game' was that simple. I think the World Champion will be the winner of the Germany-Argentina Quarter final. I can't wait to see the stoic nihilism of Joachim Loew versus the haywire exuberance of Maradona, the technical area his own little serfdom, the Fourth official his personal toy and private tormentor. This 80's revival is the final before the final, and whoever triumphs should push past Brazil, who were wasteful against Chile this morning. Sure, they scored three nice goals but their stars were selfish and squandered many more chances. When they come up against a quality side those chances will need to be taken.

The wheat has been seperated, and though the All Whites were chuffed to compete, wheat they are not. Although the land of the long white cloud may now be known internationally for something other than Flight of the Conchords, Jonah Lomu (a tongan!) and Lord of the Rings, now we will be known as a plucky football team who punched above their weight on the greatest stage.

It's business time in South Africa, but the kiwis are needed no more. They can put away the team building exercise t-shirts, and get back to business with the WAGS.

Final Standings for the eliminated 16

Final standings for teams eliminated so far

Based on points, then Goal Diff, then Goals For (as per Fifa)

32 Korea DPR
31 Cameroon
30 Honduras
29 France
28 Algeria
27 Nigeria
26 Italy
25 Greece
24 Denmark
23 Serbia
22 New Zealand
21 Australia
20 South Africa
19 Switzerland
18 Slovenia
17 Ivory Coast

Ipso Facto, we are better than Italy...

Italy v New Zealand -Preview

Ricki Herbert has named an unchanged starting line up for tonight's Group F dust up between the Champions of Oceania; the largest continent in terms of square miles, and the Champions of the measly World.

But seriously, what do we realistically expect?

Before the injury time heroics of Rustenburg I might have said an honourable, but sound, defeat. Maybe 2-0. Now I feel we have a chance. A chance to sneak a draw that is. Even a hopeless optimist like me finds it hard to believe that NZ can get up and beat the four time world Champions. But stranger things have happened.

In a friendly before last year's Confederations Cup New Zealand went into the lead four times against Italy, before losing 4-3. There are very few teams who put 3 goals past the catenaccio, 'sliding bolt defence', of Italy. yes, it was meaningless warm up game, and yes, Italy were essentially a B-team, but New Zealand were missing key players Fallon and Nelsen that day, and new found first teamers Reid and Smith were still yet to be born. In that game the aerial threat from set pieces was New Zealand's main weapon as it will be again tonight.

Italy were complacent that day and New Zealand caught them napping. I assure you Italy will be more wary this time. That in itself is a credit to New Zealand and Oceania Football.

An Edinburgh Blogger, Russell, approached the Yellow Fever fan's forum asking for more information about NZ Football. It seems that he is playing a game on his No Punts Intended Blog. The game is called 'Winner stays on' where he chooses a team to support and then switches to whoever defeats them, since being Scottish, he has no team to support in South Africa. Russell has decided to start with NZ-a nice touch since NZ's two goals against Scotland in 1982 contributed towards Scotland's early exit. I answered Russell's call for help and he published my sleep deprived thumbnail sketch of New Zealand football.

Let's hope that Russell is still saying kia ora to New Zealand tomorrow, after we say arivaderchi to the Italian mob.

New Zealand team to play Italy:

Mark Paston (Keeper)

Winston Reid, Ryan Nelsen, Tommy Smith (Defenders)

Ivan Vicelich, Simon Elliott, Leo Bertos, Tony Lochhead (Midfielders)

Shane Smeltz, Rory Fallon, Chris Killen (Strikers)

Here is something to watch while you wait for KO, the last and only time we met the Azzuri:

Winston loves Big Brother

All Whites' goal hero Winston Reid is in foul trouble, to use the American parlance, ahead of tonight's encounter with World Champs Italy. Already on one yellow card, if the tough tackling youngster picks up another he'll miss the final match against Paraguay.

What was Winston's misdemeanour? He celebrated the first NZ goal at a World Cup in 28 years by taking his shirt off. Call out the Thought Police, send him to the Ministry of Love, such crimes require swift punishment.

Look at Winston Reid’s face in the picture above. Does he look like he is deliberately and maliciously thinking “I might waste a precious few seconds here when I have to put my top back on, maybe even a few more if I make a beeline to those supporters over there!” Not a single malicious thought would have crossed his mind, he is simply reacting spontaneously to the buzz of scoring; something that Fifa propaganda says the game should be about.

It's time Fifa changed this directive. I won't call it a law because it is not explicitly stated in the laws of the game.

A directive is when Fifa sits down the officials ahead of a tournament and agree what they are going to focus on in terms of interpreting the laws. It might be to stamp down on diving, or infringing on free kicks. Its a decision to interpret a law in a particular way, which is then set in stone, sometimes for that tournament alone, sometimes it last beyond the tournament. For years now the directive has been that whenever a player takes his shirt off after scoring a goal then that player shall receive a yellow card. But what Law does this directive relate to?

It relates to Law 12- Fouls and Misconduct:

A player is cautioned and shown the yellow card if he commits any of the following seven offences:

• unsporting behaviour
• dissent by word or action
• persistent infringement of the Laws of the Game
• delaying the restart of play
• failure to respect the required distance when play is restarted with a corner kick, free kick or throw-in
• entering or re-entering the field of play without the referee’s permission
• deliberately leaving the field of play without the referee’s permission

It would seem then that taking ones shirt of is either: Unsporting behaviour or delaying the restart of play.

If it's unsporting behaviour then why is so much joy generated from the action? Why is the replay of a player taking his shirt off used over and over in highlights reels. Unless the player is deliberately inciting the opposition players or fans, or revealing an offensive or inappropriate slogan on a T-Shirt underneath it is not unsporting to celebrate a goal by taking your shirt off. In the game where Reid picked up his card the Slovakian defenders time and time again kicked out at playmaker Simon Elliot in a fairly cynical and blatant attempt to slow the play, or even hurt him. Only one of these challenges picked up a yellow card. Elliot was visibly hurt by the attention he received. Who was hurt by Winston's actions? Why was Winston put on a par with the cynical deeds of Slovakia? Why does Fifa use images of players celebrating, of fans celebrating and then punish them for doing so?

So then if its not unsporting behaviour it must be delaying the restart of play! Yet it took less than a minute to restart the game after Winston Reid's goal and the referee added another 20 seconds on for good measure. This is no more than normal for a team who score a late goal and then falls in a heap on the scorer. An orchestrated goal celebration, such as the likes of the Diski Dance which started the tournament takes much longer. Would Fifa have dared sanction the jabulani of Tshabalala and his team mates, as they celebrated South Africa 2010's opening goal?

I agree that deliberate time wasting after a goal, revealing political slogans on T-Shirts or inciting violence by inciting the crowd deserve to be carded and stamped out, but not something as harmless as showing of your six pack.

If Fifa were to stamp out any aspect of the game which infuriates in its cynicism it is the habit of substituted players from a team that is in the lead purposefully dawdling off the pitch to waste time. They shake the referee's hand, cross themselves, wave to the crowd, pull out a prayer matt and face Mecca- anything to gobble up a few more seconds. There should be a time out rule as in Cricket- If it takes a fully fit player longer than 30 second say to leave the pitch then the substitution should be ruled out. Why Fifa punishes one thing, while letting another slide is beyond me.

One argument that would persuade Sepp Blatter to repeal the directive is that watching muscular men run towards a camera is surely a good thing for the ladies. His mind definitely thinks like that already. Remember that Blatter is the person who recommended that Women Footballers wear shorter shorts. So C'mon Sepp, let the ladies get their fix, and let the lads celebrate their goals- Let slip the shirts!

Anyway, I doubt Winston is too worried. A Facebook group has been set up to help him the pay off the 5,000 Swiss Franc fine, and should he get up and score the winner against Italy tonight I hope he throws caution, and his shirt, to the wind.

New Zealand vs. Slovakia- 0-0 at Half Time

Well, that was intense.

New Zealand started very strongly and fashioned a few chances, the best a header from Killen which went straight to their keeper. Smeltz had a great chance from a Lochead pass, but it hit the side netting. Once Slovakia found their feet they began to look very dangerous and some nervy moments from Paston in goal meant that New Zealand were relieved when the half time whistle went.

This is very much a game for the taking for New Zealand. They just need to stay organised in defence and Bertos and Elliot need to start putting a bit more quality on the dead ball.

Keep believing.

Game on!

The lads are warming up in Rustenburg:



This pic loaded live from Stadium to Yellow Fever forum, thanks to 2nd Best!

NZ's music channel C4 just started its Whats the theme -C'mon All Whites' with Another one Bites the Dust! by Queen.

You hear that Slovakia? We are channeling the Zanzibar magician! Freddie M and his heavenly vuvuzuela are blowing from on high to spur us on! He had a 'tache like Stevie S- it is written in the stars in our eyes! We brushed aside New Caledonia, Vanuatu, Bahrain, Serbia and the NZFC all stars and now we are coming for you, you half a country! Do you hear me Slovakia?! Your boys will take one hell of a beating!

Erm, think I need a cup of tea and a lie down right about now.

Four Hours to Go

Just four hours until New Zealand play Slovakia. Our first game at a World Cup Finals since 1982.

Injured vice-captain Tim Brown did not recover from his shoulder surgery in time, and is now aiming to make the Italy game.

Here is the team Ricki Herbert has chosen to take the field in his tried and tested 3-4-3 formation:

Mark Paston (Keeper)

Winston Reid, Ryan Nelsen, Tommy Smith (Defenders)

Ivan Vicelich, Simon Elliott, Leo Bertos, Tony Lochhead (Midfielders)

Shane Smeltz, Rory Fallon, Chris Killen (Strikers)


C'mon lads! Your nation is behind you & we expect you to give it everything you have got!

& In Other News

World Champions Italy could only manage a 1-1 draw against Paraguay in New Zealand's Group F opener this morning.

The result is seen by some Kiwi pundits as being bad for the All Whites, since the stalemate will only spur Italy and Paraguay on to thrash New Zealand to make up for not picking up early points.

I think that is a defeatist type of attitude, even if it is realistic. The result means that there is clear air to be had at the of the group should New Zealand pull of a shock win over Slovakia tonight. It also means that if they draw then the group is wide open for anyone to sneak in. The fans must keep believing; we are not there to make up the numbers, we have a right to be there, and until we are knocked out we are still in with a chance, no matter how improbable. Even the stunned Socceroo fans must pick themselves up and dust themselves off after the thumping at the hands of a dynamic Germany. Mental fortitude and resilience is needed by the fans wathcing a World Cup, as much as the players.

And in other breaking news Football has chosen the World Cup as the time to finally announce that it is gay. Thats right Soccer has come out of the closet. This from The Onion: (Man those guys must have a huge legal budget!)

England vs. U.S.A- English keeping woes continue

One of the most anticipated games of South Africa 2010 was this morning's Group C opener between England and USA. I had a feeling that USA might get up for it and repeat the heroics of their only other game against England in a World Cup.

When English Captain Stevie Gerrard waltzed through the US defence to score after only four minutes I was glad I hadn't taken a punt on USA to pull off an upset. However at 40 minutes a relatively harmless Clint Dempsey shot was fumbled into the net by the hapless English keeper Robert Green.

It used to be that English keepers were the touchstone for international keepers. Calm, strong and unflappable. As 'safe as the Banks of England' they would say, referring to 1966 stopper Gordon Banks. He was followed by a lineage of great English custodians such as Ray Clemence and Peter Shilton. (I'll conveniently forget Bonetti, anyway that names sounds more continental than Cotswalds.)

The number one English Number 1 of the 1990s and early noughties, David Seaman, was known as 'Safe Hands.' But it was Seaman's poor positioning against Brazil in the 2002 World Cup Quarter final allowed Ronaldhino to lob him from over 40 yards:
Maybe that blunder by Seaman started the current malaise between the sticks for England. Seaman's immediate replacement was Paul Robinson, who was well known for his errors, and failed spectacuarly against Croatia in a Euro 2008 qualifier, a tournament England failed to reach:


As for Green, there can be no excuse for his lame save which gifted a vital point to the USA, and lost England all three tournament points. The ball did not dip or swerve in flight, it was a tame daisy cutter which he saw early. English coach Fabio Capello (also not from the Cotswalds) must be worried. Green, who has been guilty of letting in soft goals before, is deputised by the tournament's oldest player, David 'Calamity' James. While James has a penchant for the spectacular he is also known for a tendency for the bizarre, and has been cuplable for some very soft goals over his career. Worse, he likes to wander far from his line, fancying himself as a bit of an outfield player. This has been a rich vein for comedy over the years.

Its not really a joke for England however, how did their keeping stocks drop so rapidly? If they want to win the World Cup again they'll need to shore up their stop banks to avert the flood of soft goals.

Here is Robert Green's howler from this morning; Judge for yourself.

A Matter of Life and Death

Roll out the hooplah and profligacy, the pageantry and waste! The World Cup is about to begin. Many people in the world will begin to wonder, what's the big deal? Why so much press, why so much jabber?

Well, the simple answer is that, despite the hype and the self-aggrandisement from Sepp Blatter and FIFA, the powers who 'own' the World Cup brand, Football is a global phenomena, the most important and pervasive pastime of our time . Football is the funnel and the fantasy for the hopes of so many impoverished people. In a way it is sad that football has taken on this role; Why not poetry? Why not Opera? Why not gardening? In a way it is also beautiful that football is the world's placebo; for FIFA may own the World Cup brand but they do not own every clay pitch nor every ragged ball upon the globe. It is still the people's game. (Besides those who have no time for the extravagance of literature, nor the frivolousness of art for its own sake, and those who till the soil for work not pleasure still find time to follow the fortune of The Selection.)

So as the vetted stories roll of the tickers it will be worthwhile looking beyond the sanctioned scripts. Take for example this story about New Zealand's disrupted first training session. It seems the scouts did not do their job properly since the All Whites' floodlit training pitch is surrounded by thousands of households which burn coal for their cookers. The smoke was so thick that New Zealand had to cut short their first hit out for fear of lung damage. Surely a big disappointment for Ricki Herbert, but not too serious. There'll be another place, another time for training. The story aired here as the lead story in the evening sports round up, and so it should. The irony is that for the thousands of people who live in that township the very real danger of cooking with carcenogenic coal smoke will not go away when the World Cup ends.

Likewise how is a football fan to interpret the shameful story of South African poor being shepherded into temporary housing, reminiscent of the District 9 refugee camps, to 'clean up' the country ahead of international media and diplomats arriving. The slogan Homes, not Games, used by critics of the Vancouver Winter Olympics is admirable but ultimately futile. The poor will no doubt want both, since they have waited years to see Bafana, Bafana back in the spotlight.

The real hope lies in the fact that the assembled media, sick of being corralled into highly managed mixed-zones may wander far from the FIFA cordons, and beam back some of the real South Africa to the watching world.

Oh yes, Football is important, but the game at the elite level has long been co-opted by political agendas- The Junta used the 1978 World Cup in Argentina to serve its own ends, Mussolini had the Azzurri playing in black shirts instead of blue, the Chilean Junta used their National Stadium as a Prison camp. The temptation for politicians and war mongers to hijack the game is all too prevalant. Will there be another Football War- An encounter where the nomonal tinder is football, but the real fuel is long standing ethnic or dogmatic tension? Will Kim Jong Il use the World Cup as a platform for propaganda; denying his long suffering people even the joy of following their team, a right we all take for granted? Will Obama use the photo ops to divert attention from the horrors unfolding in the Gulf? All that money and energy being channelled into sport when very real environmental and social catastrophes continue to be ignored. How does a football fan compartmentalise that?

There will no doubt be some act of gross charlatanry and cowardice linked to the World Cup, whether some petty despot decides to milk the Cup for glory, or whether some put upon wife takes the full brunt of a husband's fury when his team is eliminated, it is almost inevitable that the World Cup will bring misery to some.

And for all this Football is never spent, there lives the dearest freshness deep down things. Despite the tyranny and terror which may or may not arise the majority of the globe will appear to blithe it come Cup Final day on July 11. Are the poor worried about the threat of war and terror enough to switch the TV off? Not likely, for irreverence is a greater oaf than superstition. And the reverence of the Cup will surely bring a joy which will outweigh the misery.

Football is not a matter of life and death, it is far more serious than that- the World Cup may yet throw more light on the suffering of the world, and help unite people in the understanding that we can all get joy from the simplest game.

Rant over. Game on.

The Season is on the Line

My lower grade club team, the Salmon, had their last hit out before the season yesterday- a meandering 5 nil loss to a very handy Marist side 4 divisions above us.

...13 orange shirts a-swaying in the breeze....

There is nothing like playing football in a World Cup year.
Thankfully the Southern hemisphere winter coincides with the quadrennial June Soccernalia. As our club football calender reaches its climax the prematch talk won't be so much about whether Island Bay shipped three goals against Stop Out, nor who the golden boot over at Miramar Rangers will be, rather all the sideline natter will be about the ins and outs of Group F, the latest great African hope, the bizarre refereeing decisions and even more bizarre goal celebrations. For two months every four years us plodders and hackers can dare to dream... Ah it makes you feel part of a global mockery all over again. Last World Cup a shiftworking team mate decided to video (remember video!) all the games and watch them at a more convenient time - convenient for him perhaps, he made us promise schtum for the good part of a month, banned from mentioning Ballack and Lahm, verbotten from discussing Zidane and Materazzi, we finally gave up, making him a social pariah, left out of our World Cup bubble.

It will be great to have our own team to support for a change, but through decades of habit I'll still be rooting for pitiful England. As for the All Whites a realistic goal will be a point from pool play and perhaps some stand out moments like having Italy on the ropes for the first half, before the Azurri bring on Pirlo et al to settle the score, or a Fallon header which deceives the Paraguayan Goalkeeper, and the bookies, if only for a second. Bereft of real world-class talent and lacking experience the All Whites will have to work hard and rely on a strong team culture to make an impact. Unlike 1982 when many of the New Zealanders reported being star struck I believe the 2010 All Whites know that despite the odds they are not merely there to make up the numbers, but to compete across all parts of the paddock, from Paston to Smeltz.

For NZ Football the Season really is on the line; despite a bumper year of successes the nation's arm chair critics will make their minds up based on Herbert's Jabulani jaunt this coming Northern Summer. Herbert has a point to prove, and surely a point will prove it.

Muy Picante!

It has been revealed that New Zealand's first warm up game for the 2010 World Cup will be against Mexico, in Los Angeles (an ersatz home match for El Tri) on March 3.

This is a quality warm up game since Mexico's flamboyant attacking style will closely mimic Paraguay; the All White's final opponents in pool play. The passionate Mexican fans will also give our lads a taste of the unholy din to be expected at a World Cup Finals match.

The game falls within FIFA's friendly international window, which means clubs are only obliged to release players for 48 hours. So the fact that it is being played a mere 11 hour's flight from London, rather than in New Zealand, means we have every chance of seeing Captain Courageous Ryan Nelsen, and the other European and US based players, turn out in the Pasadena Rose Bowl.

One can only assume that Mexico sees the All Whites as being on a par with their pool mates South Africa- we certainly can't be expected to offer them a taste of the guile, nor gall, of France.

Whatever way you look at it this is a coup, and is an early Christmas present for NZ Football Fans. Now we just need to secure friendlies against some European sides to replicate the style of Slovakia and Italy and the set is complete.

England's taking it Easy

The English are typically cocky after their supposedly soft draw has given them a milk run to the World Cup Final next July. This newspaper headline says it all- it's a dream draw; a doddle; dead 'EASY.'

Now, those who were paying attention in third form English class will notice that this headline is an acrostic poem.

I seem to recall having to do first name acrostics at the beginning of each school year. Each letter was supposed to be a representation of the writer's true persona. As the years progressed the words chosen would illuminate the inner turmoil of the youthful poet. For example an optimistic 11 year old Garry might be:

G-reat!
A-wesome!
R-eally good at soccer!
R-ipper!
Y-oung!

But by age 15 poor Garry has realised the true tragic awfulness of this mortal coil and now describes himself as:

G-othic prince
A-ngry!
R-eally, really angry and my
R-retarded heart knows no love
y-oung of years, but old of soul.

Thankfully at 16 Garry discovers girls and the would-be Byron spares the world another awful acrostic outpouring.

So I always thought the acrostic was the last refuge for the unpoetic to shine a glimmer of creativity over a career destined for the prosaic wilderness of the wrecker's yard. There is something terribly simplistic and naive about this form of poetry-much like The Sun's A for Awesome effort.

EASY?

Should England really be so confident? Slovenia are no slouches, trumping perennial World Cup qualifiers the Czechs and Poland in qualifying. Even mighty England has been made to look like a clown when dealing with Poland in past qualifiers.

Algeria booked their tickets to South Africa by beating the African champions Egypt in a pressure cooker atmosphere that would have surely pushed England's pampered millionaires to their limits:


And as for Team USA, soccer is less and less a novelty sport in the land of the free throw, and after a very credible performance at this year's Confederations Cup in South Africa, England would be wise to be wary. We all know what happened the last time England underestimated USA in a World Cup match.

EASY? The Sun's having a larf Garry.

I thought I'd take a look at NZL's group and compose an acrostic headline from the point of view of the Italian tabloids:

P-araguay
I-talia
S-lovakia
A-otearoa-New Zealand

"It's a PISA piss mate!"

Do you have any more suggestions for World Cup group acrostics? Alternative epithets for countries names (i.e. Aotearoa/New Zealand) are allowed.

While you are pondering this poetic puzzler here is a vid* for your enjoyment. It is taken from FIFA's (actually rather good) magazine show Futbol Mundial. Wellington looks gorgeous throughout, despite the fact that the water in the surf shots would be absolutely freezing.



*'Its all about me alert':

When John Adshead picks up the Dominion Post at 2 minutes 10- the back page photo shows me and some of the Yellow Fever boys before the game, as also shown here.

The Bahraini team are training at my local, Newtown Park, as profiled here. Should have spent more time practising penalties...