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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

England's taking it Easy

The English are typically cocky after their supposedly soft draw has given them a milk run to the World Cup Final next July. This newspaper headline says it all- it's a dream draw; a doddle; dead 'EASY.'

Now, those who were paying attention in third form English class will notice that this headline is an acrostic poem.

I seem to recall having to do first name acrostics at the beginning of each school year. Each letter was supposed to be a representation of the writer's true persona. As the years progressed the words chosen would illuminate the inner turmoil of the youthful poet. For example an optimistic 11 year old Garry might be:

R-eally good at soccer!

But by age 15 poor Garry has realised the true tragic awfulness of this mortal coil and now describes himself as:

G-othic prince
R-eally, really angry and my
R-retarded heart knows no love
y-oung of years, but old of soul.

Thankfully at 16 Garry discovers girls and the would-be Byron spares the world another awful acrostic outpouring.

So I always thought the acrostic was the last refuge for the unpoetic to shine a glimmer of creativity over a career destined for the prosaic wilderness of the wrecker's yard. There is something terribly simplistic and naive about this form of poetry-much like The Sun's A for Awesome effort.


Should England really be so confident? Slovenia are no slouches, trumping perennial World Cup qualifiers the Czechs and Poland in qualifying. Even mighty England has been made to look like a clown when dealing with Poland in past qualifiers.

Algeria booked their tickets to South Africa by beating the African champions Egypt in a pressure cooker atmosphere that would have surely pushed England's pampered millionaires to their limits:

And as for Team USA, soccer is less and less a novelty sport in the land of the free throw, and after a very credible performance at this year's Confederations Cup in South Africa, England would be wise to be wary. We all know what happened the last time England underestimated USA in a World Cup match.

EASY? The Sun's having a larf Garry.

I thought I'd take a look at NZL's group and compose an acrostic headline from the point of view of the Italian tabloids:

A-otearoa-New Zealand

"It's a PISA piss mate!"

Do you have any more suggestions for World Cup group acrostics? Alternative epithets for countries names (i.e. Aotearoa/New Zealand) are allowed.

While you are pondering this poetic puzzler here is a vid* for your enjoyment. It is taken from FIFA's (actually rather good) magazine show Futbol Mundial. Wellington looks gorgeous throughout, despite the fact that the water in the surf shots would be absolutely freezing.

*'Its all about me alert':

When John Adshead picks up the Dominion Post at 2 minutes 10- the back page photo shows me and some of the Yellow Fever boys before the game, as also shown here.

The Bahraini team are training at my local, Newtown Park, as profiled here. Should have spent more time practising penalties...

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